Leaving behind the past...

I placed a box in front of Dean. He glanced up with a puzzled look.  I signalled for him to open it. As he lifted the top of the cream box his eyes lit up. A black top with the the words worlds best dad written on it laid neatly inside. A tear slipped down his cheek as he jumped up and embraced me. Dean always wanted children. We had talked about it endlessly over the years. I always knew he would be a great father. A small bark startled me. When Bella died I was devastated. So once I had fully healed Dean surprised me with a black Labrador puppy. His name Bailey. His paws pounded into the room. I rubbed behind his ears.

Later that day I went to mum's grave and laid down her favourite white roses like I did every mothers day. I glanced around at all the other people kneeling at graves, mourning their loved one's. A little girl and her father placed a bunch of tulips and a teddy on a grave. The girl snuggled into her dads arms. She couldn't be older than 5. I could hear her sobs. I was lucky that had more time with mum than some people would ever get. I looked back at the grave stone with her  name engraved onto it. I muttered under my breath "Mum. I wish one day that my children love me as much as I loved you." The tears started streaming down my cheeks. Once they had stopped I sung mum's favourite song. Then I stood up and whispered "This is what leaving behind the past feels like."...

A tough decision...

People have to make tough decisions everyday. For me, mine was choosing to continue my dream career and travel to England to film the biggest set of films ever or stay here and peruse having my dream family. If I left I gave up on everything back home. Dad, Dean,Skyler and so much more. But if I stayed here everything I had worked for my life would all go down the drain. I paced my room as my mind whizzed to places I didn't even know existed. Dean had been writing all day and had asked me about fifteen million times if I was okay. I loved him so much. I was twenty-two and had the rest of my life to live but mum had shown me that life goes so easily.  I perched down on the end of the bed and let out a long sigh. My eyes wondered to the window and I it hit me. Why on earth would I give up this amazing world I currently lived in for a small little dream. I had family and friends here. I glanced down to my stomach and whispered "When am I going to tel Dean about you?" I found out I was pregnant a couple days ago and I wanted to tell Dean in a special way...

Dealing with it

After being isolated from everybody apart from dean , I decided to go to a therapist. This was a person I leak all my emotions and not have them tell me it will all go away or that it gets easier.  Mum had left me a lot of money as her only child. She had no siblings and her parents had died a few years ago. My dad was as dead to her as she is.That left little old me to inherit all her belongings. I paid for a few session with Ella (My therapist) and it really did help. I found I stopped sheltering myself from my friends, me and skyler started going shopping. I attend school every now and then. Dean has now moved into the house and found a job. The house finally feels like a home once again...


5 years later...


I still went to therapy every couple of months. Dad and I occasionally talk to each other. He finally found another person who is loves just as much as he did mum. Dean is a successful author of four books and is currently working on number five. Skylar graduated , became a singer and is currently pregnant with twins. I'm an actor and skylers manger. I have travelled the world. Dean and I turned mum's room into a studio for my painting. Dean's depression got better and he came off his medication. Skyler liked it and put a ring on it a year ago.I'm proud of my family, friends, Dean and mostly me...

A time of sadness

As they buried her coffin into the ground , Dean held me tightly in his arms. I looked around at the dull faces that had come to say their final goodbyes to mum. Dad, Aunt Jenny, Grandma Lucy, Cousin Jerald, Skyler and many other faces I hadn't seen for a while. My world flew sky high but crashed down in the worst way possible. It was my turn to speak. I inched my way round to the podium and looked down. I said my words and tears streamed down my face. I was officially broken.

At the after party I sang mum's favourite song "Thousand years". Dean and I danced the night away. All I wanted was to hold mum in my arms one last time. Dad slowly approached me as people left giving me their condolences for my loss. He showed me his wrist. There in fresh ink was the same two wedding rings him and mum had yet one was broken and faded and the other shone brighter than diamonds. No words had to be said. He hugged me tightly, nodded his head and left. I turned to Dean and whispered "thank you" with a small smile but that was all I could bring myself to do. Dean and I gathered our belongings and left for home. I craved to in bed between the sheets in Dean's arms listening to Ed Sheerans new album Divide on repeat until I knew every word to every song. I fell asleep doing just that and wondering what the hell I wouldn't do with the troubled boy named Dean...

flying high might lead to crashing down...

A few seconds turned into minutes. A few minuets turned into a few hours. A few hours turned into days. And a few days turned into a few months. Me and dean had spent most of our time together. I turned 18 and we held a massive party at the house from the hospital for a couple weeks. My life was finally getting fixed. Mum and I went in for her weekly check-up. Everything was going smoothly until the speakers yelled "All available help please go to room 105. The room where mum was. tow doors swung open and mums body which was on a hospital bed cam zooming out. Multiple machines were attached to her body and panicked expressions all on their faces. I didn't even realise that Ii stood up let alone the fact I was having a panic attack. The air I was breathing in became thicker , my hands became clammy and my vision fuzzed. A nurse glanced over at me and came rushing over. I felt paralysed.She tried to comfort me but my thoughts were louder. Tears flooded down my cheek endlessly. How could everything go from almost perfect to the darkest place I could possibly be.
What could be wrong? Why me? What will happen next? ...